According to Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, conditions for this year’s Halloween are supposed to be perfect. It’s on a Saturday, the weather is supposed to be nice (I guess…for the entire world?), and it’s a goddamn full moon. Also? It’s a few days before an election. People neeeed to blow off steam! But, once again, that betch Corona V. has ruined everything. A bunch of cities and communities have banned trick-or-treating, and obviously big, drunk parties are a pandemic no-no. Sigh. It’s right, but it’s not okay.
So Elvira is appealing to… I dunno, the government (?) to not cancel her favorite night of the year. She made a music video set to Madonna’s Holiday to plead her case. It’s a spooktacular green screen experience with our gal’s trademark titties, coronavirus graphics, and dancing Tiger Kings (played by Elvira herself).
Here’s the video:
The lyrics are obviously gold, especially this poignant verse that really drives her thesis home:
I’m the Queen of Halloween
COVID-19 ruined everything
If they cancel Halloween
Cuz we’re still in quarantine
It would make me so mad
It would suck
It would suck so bad!
Elvira also manages to slag off Trump with, “But the scariest thing about this Halloween is that big, orange, fat, scary face!” Then she presents an orange jack-‘o-lantern to the camera, and says, “Who’d you think I was talkin’ about?” Oh, Elvira, you scamp!
The most shocking thing about this video is that Elvira (human name: Cassandra Peterson) just turned 69 (noice). Sixty-nine! If there was ever any doubt that Elvira has Satan on speed dial, this settles it.